martes, enero 08, 2019

last match.

Encender el cigarrillo. 
1, 2, 3.
Nunca pude encenderlo a la primera. Vos te reías de como lo sostenía, "como sostengo la lapicera"- te respondia. 
Nunca te conté, pero llore la noche entera por tres días después de nuestro ultimo encuentro. 
Sentí que te desvanecías de mi cuerpo, y no podía permitir que te fueras de esa forma tan dolorosa. 
Se que nuestro fin no nos mostró mas sobre quienes somos, sino de como fuimos juntos.
A pesar de todo, creo que lo necesitabamos.
Yo necesitaba alguien como vos en mi vida, necesitaba conocerme para entenderme. Y me enseñaste que es mentira eso de que si no te queres nadie te va a querer. Porque se que me quisiste, pero no pude darme cuenta.
Yo sigo acá, como siempre, esperándome. Vos seguis riendo y fumando.
Dios, cuanto romantizaba eso. 
Ya no fumo, pero el asma sigue matando lo que quedaba. 
A veces siento que voy a estar ahí siempre, y un día mas después de eso.
Cada vez que sostengo esta lapicera recuerdo, nos recuerdo. 

Light up the cigarette.
1, 2, 3.
I could never turn it on the first time. And you make fun of me for the way I held it, "the same way I hold the pen" - I answered.
I never told you, but I cried the whole night for three days after our last meeting.
I felt that you were vanishing from my body, and I couldn't allow you to go in such a painful way. I know that our end didn't showed us more that who we are, but who we were together.
Despite of everything, I think we needed it. I needed someone like you in my life, I needed to know myself to understand myself.
And you taught me thats a lie when they say that nobody can love you until you love yourself because I know you loved me, but I just couldn't tell it at that time.
I'm still here, as always, waiting for me. You keep laughing and smoking. God, how much I romanticized that.
I don't smoke anymore, but asthma continues to kill what was left. Sometimes I feel that I will always be there, and one more day after that. 1,2,3.

Every time I hold this pen I remember, I remember us.


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