The Importance Of Loving Yourself, Toxic Relationships + Story Time

lunes, febrero 22, 2016


Today's post is different from the ones I usually do and it's about something I've been working on for a few months now. Nowadays is very common to hear about the whole issue of "loving yourself", we see it in the movies movies, we listen it on songs and in a lot of other places. But I think most people don't realize how important it is to love yourself. And not in a selfish way in which we don't care about the other and we just look out for ourselves, but in a way in which we put ourselves, our wellbeing and happiness first, without hurting anyone else in the process. I think that I don't speak only for myself when I say that at some point in our lives perhaps one, two or more times we get caught up in toxic relationships that make us feel bad about ourselves, don't help us grow as a person and make us feel uncomfortable and unappreciated.
There was a time in my life where I was surrounded by people who did not make me feel sure of myself, where I always had fights or gossip behind my back and I was being criticize all the time. And after being even five minutes with these people I felt stressed, anxious and All I wanted was to get as far away from that place as I could and never come back . I was sad by just thinking about the moment I had to see them again and didn't want to go back and pretend they made ​​me feel good when it wasn't true. It was a kind of passive-aggressive relationship where everything was fine but it wasn't and nobody dared to say it to my face and instead they made me feel so bad and miserable and I didn't even know what was I doing wrong. Now I realize, that I was doing nothing wrong, I wasn't the problem there. Sometimes relationships just don't work out, but it's never just one person's fault.
Toxic relationships in my experience are those that don't add anything to your life, but they take all of your energy out of you, they make you lose valuable time of your life and they don't respect you for who you are. They are those relationships where you feel that you have in a certain way to fit in, to make that person or people happy, and you don't. You never have to change yourself for anyone but you. 
I know this is kind of all over the place but I think that what I'm trying to express in this post is that if you are in a relationship with someone who makes you feel this way, whether is your couple, your friends, your family or others I hope you know that you don't have any obligation to stay there. You have the right to get away from there and find people that make you happy, that gets excited with you when something great happens in your life and that when you end up talking with them you feel more happy, positive and surronded by good vibes. I promise it'll be okay. It's hard to step out of a toxic relationship and you don't have to insult and shout to them to go away but just slowly walk away and let them know they are not doing you any good. I once read a very true quote that said "when you hurt someone you don't get to decide you didn't." Many people are angry and offended when you say to them that they hurt you but simply because they don't want to accept the blame for hurting another person.
The hardest part is saying goodbye to those relationships but then comes a stage of pure happiness where you find yourself. To love ourselves is important because at the end of the day, no matter how many people surround you, you got you, only you. At three o'clock in the morning when you feel bad, sad and you can't sleep because you can't stop thinking, you got to love yourself. We don't know if the people that are today with us, will be there forever, because maybe they won't, and if they leave, then it's okay because if you love yourself that won't hurt you as much as if it will if you don't love yourself. We came alone to this world and alone we go. Meanwhile we share our lives with people who make us happy, but we must never let a person be more than that. It is not healthy to rely on someone else to be happy because that's when this type of toxic relationships begin. 
Never, ever waste your time with people who are not worth it, because you are giving them something that never returns, which is time.
If you make it came to the end I appreciate it so much because it's something I needed to say just to anyone who is going or passing through something similar.
I'd love to read your stories in the comments!

Hoy les traigo un post distinto a los que suelo hacer y es algo en lo que estoy trabajando hace unos meses ya y que con el tiempo voy notando una diferencia. Se que ahora todo el tema de "amarse a uno mismo" esta muy de moda y lo vemos en películas, escuchamos en canciones y demás. Pero creo que muchos no se dan cuenta de lo importante que es quererse a uno mismo. Y no de una manera egoísta en la cual no nos importa el otro y solo nos fijamos en nosotros mismos, sino en una manera en la cual nos ponemos a nosotros mismos, nuestro bienestar y nuestra felicidad primero, sin lastimar a nadie mas. Creo que no hablo por mi misma cuando digo que en algún momento de nuestras vidas tal vez una, dos o mas veces nos vemos atrapados en relaciones toxicas que nos hacen sentir mal con nosotros mismos, no nos ayudan a progresar y nos hacen sentir incómodos y no apreciados. 
Hubo un tiempo de mi vida en el que estaba rodeada de personas que no me hacían sentir segura de mi misma, donde siempre había peleas o comentarios por atrás y criticas y después de estar aunque fuesen 5 minutos con esas personas me sentía estresada, ansiosa y lo único que quería era irme lo mas lejos de ese lugar y no volver nunca mas. Me ponía triste de tan solo pensar que tenia que volver a verlas y fingir que me hacían sentir bien cuando no era así, cuando era una especie de relación agresiva-pasiva donde todo estaba bien pero en realidad no lo estaba y nadie se animaba a decirlo entonces me hacían sentir mal a mi misma sin saber siquiera que era lo que había hecho mal. 
Las relaciones toxicas en mi experiencia son esas que no te suman nada a tu vida, sino que te sacan energía, te hacen perder tiempo valioso de tu vida y no te respetan por quien sos. Son esas relaciones en las que sentis que tenes que ser de tal manera para encajar, para hacer a esas personas o persona felices. Y no tiene que ser asi.
No quiero escribir todo un texto que no tiene sentido y se va por las ramas pero creo que lo que quiero tratar de expresar con este post es que si estas en una relación con alguien que te hace sentir así, ya sea tu pareja, tus amigos, tu familia o otros te digo que no tenes ninguna obligación de quedarte ahí. Tenes el derecho de alejarte y encontrar personas que te hagan feliz, que se emocionen igual que vos cuando algo va bien en tu vida, que termines de pasar un rato con esas personas y te sientas feliz, positivo, con buenas vibras. Te prometo que es difícil alejarte y no significa que tengas que insultarlos y gritarles sino ir alejándote de a poco y hacerles saber que te estan haciendo mal. Una vez leí una frase muy verdadera que decía "cuando lastimas a alguien no podes decidir que no lo hiciste". Mucha gente se enoja y ofende cuando les decís que te lastimaron pero es simplemente porque no quieren aceptar la culpa de que hirieron a otra persona, a alguien cercano que en algún momento quisieron.
La parte mas difícil es decirle adiós a esas relaciones pero después viene una etapa de pura felicidad, y de encontrarte a vos mismo. Amarse a uno mismo es importante porque al final del día, no importa cuantas personas te rodeen, te tenes a vos, solo a vos. A las tres de la mañana cuando te sentís mal y no podes dormir porque no podes parar de pensar, te tenes a vos mismo. Vinimos solos y nos vamos solos. Mientras tanto compartimos nuestras vidas con personas que nos hacen felices, pero nunca hay que dejar que una persona sea mas que eso. No es saludable depender de otra persona para ser feliz porque ahi es cuando este tipo de relaciones toxicas empiezan. Así que sean felices con ustedes mismos, vallan a un café y pasen la tarde solos, aprendan a conocerse y sean muy felices. Y nunca pero nunca desperdicien su tiempo con personas que no lo valen, porque les están regalando algo que nunca vuelve, que es el tiempo.
Si llegaron a leer hasta acá les agradezco mucho porque es algo que necesitaba decir por si alguna persona estaba pasando o paso por algo similar. 

Me encantaría leer en los comentarios sus historias!


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26 comentarios

  1. totally agree, i think as we grow more mature we would rather be not involve in toxic relationship that makes us feel small or not appreciating ourselves. this too shall past!
    xoxo
    style frontier

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  2. I'm spechless, this was incredible. I love you

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  3. Me sentí identificada en muchas cosas que pusiste y me encanta poder venir a tu blog y encontrar siempre cosas distintas. Seguí así! =)

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    1. Ay, me encanta recibir comentarios asi! Muchas gracias :)

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  4. I totally agree! Such a great post, you're incredible!
    Love it <3

    https://katiphotographyblog.wordpress.com/

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  5. Yo también he tenido demasiadas relaciones tóxicas en mi vida. Pero creo que gracias a esas personas, ahora soy una persona más fuerte e, irónicamente, ahora me siento más segura de mí misma.

    Be | lovefrombe

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    1. Totalmente! Cuando te alejas de esas relaciones y te das cuenta todo lo que vales te sentis mas segura :)

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  6. Fajny post :)


    http://treamicii.blogspot.com/

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  7. Couldn't have said better. It is so important to love yourself and to take care of yourself which includes not having toxic relationship whenever it's friends, boyfriend, girlfriend. It's about being kind and true to yourself. So many people these days rely on other people and loose themselves and that's so sad :/

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

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    1. That's exactly how I feel! we should never let ourselves down for other person. Thanks Leta!

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  8. Que buen post guapa! Yo también he conocido gente tóxica y lo mejor es alejar a ese tipo de personas de nuestra vida. Sé qu a veces cuesta, pero luego todo cambia :D

    ¡Besos mi ChicAdicta!
    www.piensaenchic.com

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  9. First off, let me just say that this is a beautiful Paula. You wrote it so eloquently. There are no easy words to describe toxic relationships or how to love yourself, and how often they correlate.

    My thoughts on relationships are complicated, but I guess I am complicated. (To which many, and myself, roll my eyes) I don't know what and when to define toxic relationships because it never started out as toxic. No one wants to hurt intentionally, and no one wants to be hurt. That is the truth. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, nor does it mean it won't happen again.

    A toxic relationship is poison, but it is the sweetest poison you will ever consume. So addictive and without fail, you come back for more. And perhaps that is how you love yourself, through building immunity to the poison. In ways unexpected.

    xx Bash | H E Y   B A S H | bloglovin'

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    1. Oh this was just perfect Bash! You describe it so well. They are toxic because you just can't let them go, even though they make you bad you don't mind for all the good that they give you. Thanks for this lovely comment ♥

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  10. I totally loved this! Can totally relate. I feel like its a work in progress but so worth it!

    moremindfulyou.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes! It's hard but at the end it's worth all the effort :)

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  11. Wow, what a great post doll! So nice to know a little more about you!

    Hope you're having an awesome day! Kisses,
    BLOG | Taislany

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  12. Me ha encantado leer este post, tienes toda la razón, cuando reconoces estar atrapado en una relación que no te aporta nada, lo mejor es no seguir invirtiendo energías en ella... mejor dedicar tiempo a gente que te valora y aprecia por ser quien eres : )
    LaMelenaDeLeón

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    1. Exacto! Y ser mas feliz con vos mismo que al final del dia es lo que mas importa :)

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